Category: Uncategorized

Introspection Connection

If you had a chance to somehow go back in time and talk to your younger teenage self…what would you say?

One of things that’s been happening with me during this pandemic is well…quite a bit of introspection. I’ve had a few distanced meals outdoors with softball teammates but it’s still been mostly a secluded bubble with my hubby and dog. My brain has really been picking up the slack. The dreams have been more surreal than usual. The guest stars have been everybody in my past and present and the backdrops have been beautiful or scary and anything in between.

In one dream, I run into my teenage self and am absolutely unloading all this information in a rant that the average Joe couldn’t understand. I laugh at one point and ask: "did you understand any of that?" The kid shakes his head; "no."

I wake up thinking about the things I can do to help that younger me. I think I would encourage him to be happy and take some chances sooner than later. I had a lot of guilt growing up. The time I spent in the closet, I can’t get back. What was I even afraid of? People will either like you or they will not. If they disown you, turn the page and you be you.

Actually, I know what I would say to that kid: you’ve got to make your own way.

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A Week of Ouch

My right shoulder has been bothering me for a week. I’m not 100% sure how this happened, as I awoke last Thursday with the pain. I’ve been icing and hitting the ibuprofen like it’s candy.

The injury itself seems to be located at the top of the shoulder but different arm angles have varying degrees of discomfort. Strangely enough, lifting something doesn’t bother it (although I’m really taking it easy in that department) but extending and stretching is an ouch. If I were to take my right hand and move it to my left shoulder, I would really feel the burn.

I had to cancel softball practice with the guys last Sunday, which is a major bummer. I look forward to it on the weekends. The guys don’t seem to organize without me or my teammate Don (the elder statesmen of the group) and he’s out of town. I mean I also happen to be the guy with the balls and bases so I think need to get someone to step up and be the lead person, while I mend.

Is there a silver lining? Yes, it didn’t happen during a softball season.

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Mapping the Future

My husband has left me (temporarily) for a map of the (Not So) United States in Blue, Red and not counted. I got him to watch a tv show but afterwards it was right back to the same map.

I get it, of course and I’m truly feeling that election anxiety as well but I’m making a real effort, this time around to detach myself from it. It’s going to take awhile to get all the votes in. Staring at these colorless states will help, the same way pressing the close door button inside an elevator does.

The TV show thing finally happened when I said: “If we watch something the map will still be there after with maybe some changes or not.” The show was pretty good, except Garry couldn’t recall much of last season so he felt detached with it. Plus the main characters refused to update us on the election.

Luna, our precious pit bull couldn’t give a fig about who wins so long as there are treats and naps. Elections are a very human thing and we want to feel good about it.

We want to see a light at the end of the tunnel and here’s the thing, the light doesn’t have to be big. It could be a pen light, as long as we can see it. Hope and belief that we can go in a direction of some sanity.

I’m not ready to look at the map, it’s too darn early but when I do, I’d like to see a little light and a lot of possibility.

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The Last Extension

The telephone operator was very friendly, as she set up my new phone line. I was in Jay’s apartment, calling from his landline. The conversation wasn’t unfamiliar. This was my third apartment in New York City.

"Do you want me to give you whatever comes up?"

"Yes, please, " I said, not wanting to pay for anything that spelled out anything like 870-TOOL.

A brief moment passed and she said, "Wow, you’ve got the last one."

"The last number," I laughed.

"You’ve got the last Murray Hill Exchange."

I didn’t think much of it at the time or for that matter during my time in the Murray Hill section of Manhattan (spoiler alert: it’s not much of a hill). I wrote the number down and memorized it. The fact that it was an exchange number made it easier to remember. The first 3 digits were your neighborhood. MU9 was Murray Hill.

Back in the land and time before the smartphone, we memorized and remembered more because we had to I guess.

Anyway, when I was given the last Murray Hill Extension for a phone number, it was, as it turns out, a precursor to change. New York City was doling out more cell phone numbers than ever. Everybody was carrying a flip phone, a little Nokia thing, or whatever that personal planner phone with the tiny buttons was called.

At the time, it never occurred to me that we might actually cut the Ma Bell cord and go cellphone solo or as I did it when I first moved to SF… smartphone only. I was sharing an apartment at the time. It worked.

Today the smartphone is an extension of one’s arm. The world has changed and when you were raised in the pre-tech existence then you really take notice of the differences you see. You know, the car accidents caused by texting or the folks walking down the street and looking straight down into their personal black mirror. My fave is when folks go out to socialize and spend half the time checking their screen. They can’t all be doctors on call.

The above is not a rant or even a complaint. It’s an observation from someone who has watched the change go down over time. I have a smartphone and I use it. I also make a point of putting it away, when I’m doing something. I don’t bring it to the dinner table. Heck, I make sure it’s not even visible when I’m talking to someone.

Why bother? That young man moving into that apartment had the right social habits down before the tech stuff, there was no reason to change anything. If Batman leaves his utility belt at home, he doesn’t need to drive all the way back to the batcave, he still is quite capable.

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Balance

We continue along 2020 semi-sheltering and getting some physical exercise here and there. Temperatures continue to spike in the SF Bay Area. Three months in a row, we’ve had little heat waves (4 to 5-day stretch). We’re currently in the middle of one right now. It should be over Sunday.

It’s over 90 degrees in San Francisco today.

It’s tougher to continue to eat light on warmer days when all you really want is to bathe in ice-cream. It’s a balance. When it’s not too hot we can get out there and hike with our precocious pitbull. We did a late day hike at Milagro Ridge, a few days ago. It wasn’t a hardcore hike but I think it prevented us from permanently melding into our reclining chairs.

We’re probably watching more streaming shows than ever, Netflix isn’t hurting. On the plus side, I’ve almost caught up with everything I was interested in watching. The funny thing is the more I watch, the more I can spot crappy TV writing quickly. We generally don’t give shows a whole lot of time to get things going. If you don’t get me early, you lose me. Sure, if I’m watching a British period piece then..sure, I accept ahead of time that you slowly build your world first before there is a confrontational line like: "Reginald you cad!"

It’s high viewership time and there is a load of junk to sift through, even still you can find worthwhile things. Garry and my tastes are not identical, I’m probably a little more patient with a show but when it clicks for both of us it’s cool. And there are times when we don’t agree and either I go off on my own to see the rest of it or he does. The streaming stuff, like the ice cream, we try not to over-indulge but it helps for me to shut out another contentious election year. I feel I can say that because I voted. 🙂

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Octoberness

October in San Francisco: it seems like we’re getting past the days of bad quality air days. The Glass Fire is about 70-75% contained. Covid restrictions continue in the city but things are beginning to open up…carefully. Our numbers in town have been lower than other parts of the state.

Personally, we’ve continued our semi-shelter here at home. There are no trips planned (yes, no softball tournaments and no London Theater trips) and while this is a depressing thought I don’t fancy the idea of a hospital stay. What I tell myself is this…those places aren’t going anywhere. The show must go on. It’s the stage and we’re all the players. We can press pause or stop or go.

It’s a semi-shelter because I still go into work when I physically need to and I’m still arranging “safe” softball workouts at Balboa Park for my Cougar CUBS. We distance, we wear masks and there is no hugging (tough for our softball guys). If a new season happens it will be in March so this is not practicing for that, this is practicing for sanity.

Softballers miss the game. No season? No game? You pull the rug out and you will find an attempt by some to get back on the field. We’ve been at it for a few months but we were pretty strict about what we wanted, safety wise and any players that wouldn’t comply would not be invited. Fortunately for our group, it was preaching to the converted. There have been zero issues.

In other news: I don’t have the energy to go on about the Trumpster fire in the White House. VOTE. We received our absentee ballot in the mail. We filled it out. On Monday, October the 5th, I walked both signed and dated closed ballots to City Hall: the main ballot drop in San Francisco…end of story.

I understand complaining, it can be therapeutic but make a plan and do something about it. VOTE. Here endeth my voting ad.

Anyway the rainy season is right around the corner in the Bay Area and I have to say that I’m looking forward to it. It should do a number on some of the leftover fires and maybe save a few trees in the process. We’ve got a few weeds to pluck in the garden and more will show up because that’s an ongoing natural cycle of growth back there.

At the end of the month I’ve got a week off from all things work. It will be a staycation. Perhaps I’ll dream about being in Spain or watching a Shakespeare Play at the Globe Theatre in London. A break is still a break so I’ll take it. 

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Fogust

We are back to some “safe” ground balls after a two week hiatus. Physically this works for me as I’d like to keep going, whether we end up having a softball season or not (not likely). It’s good to get back out there with the guys and stretch it out. I don’t leave the house without a mask and it looks like that piece of cloth has become another softball accessory. Don’t leave home without it.

In a normal year, August is really the beginning of the off-season in San Francisco. Generally, softballers here are putting away their gloves, after a full season of play and 3 tournaments in July. There is even some softball burnout. It’s a total blank slate this year. 

Fogust is alive.
Green wet grass and Softballers masks
Make gray blue. 

Mother nature has nothing to do with what’s going on with people, it’s not her department. It’s August or as some of us call it here: Fogust.  The cool breeze and the fluffy gray and white sky permeates everything in the mornings. Playing in the Bay Area for the last 20 years, I prefer this coolness. When you’re playing on the road and have to do a game in a much warmer climate, you really feel the heat more than locals. When I see people talk about 114 degrees, in say Palm Springs, this time of year I think: “ouch”. 

Otherwise we continue to shelter. The numbers in California aren’t good so it doesn’t make sense to change anything we’re doing at the moment. I know more folks are going out and about, it’s a personal choice but my hope is that folks are remaining diligent about masks and distancing. I’m not advocating living like a hermit, only that folks be careful.

I continue to dream about travel.

It’s now a year since our last trip. We were in London for a week, then NYC for 4 days. There were a number of wonderful shows highlighted by Falsettos in the UK and both parts of the Inheritance in New York. Not having plays and musicals right now is a bummer. As a theatre lover, I have seen a lot of online performances during the pandemic and while it’s been good and I’m absolutely grateful for it, it’s not quite the same animal as being there in front of a live performance. I guess I’m a traditionalist about it.

The close ups in those online performances are weird. I always think: “no…let me look at what I want to see…don’t make that decision for me.” In some ways, it’s like being in a museum with someone standing next to you, pushing your face into what moves that individual. “Look at the color the artist uses for her feet.” I like doing that without the leash.

The dreams are nice actually and almost feel like I’m really there and not in 2020. I do always wake up in 2020 though. 🙂

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Stairway to Netflix

I had a very Twilight Zone dream last night.

There were four of us chased between different worlds and realities. These existences were separated by a staircase coming up from the sidewalk. In this dream, we were pursued by something. Our response was to run down this portal staircase. With every “floor” and reality, there was a new and different problem and ultimately, a similar chase that would lead my group out and down the staircase to something different.

This group that I was in, was a totally random group of folks; who saw what was wrong with each reality. We ran because we were chased but we’re also in search of a place less dangerous than the last place. We came together, I believe because we initially saw a problem with the very first place and there was some sort of invasion. It was a dream so details are a little fogged.

Anyway, We were in some crazy loop. Each world looked so different. The sky was always a different color and the buildings were from definitely different architecture styles but we would never stay long enough to weigh the pros and cons of the new place because of the impending danger. There were ghosts; some kind of invisible army but we could actually make them out by their outline. I think we were the only ones who could see that.

One of them got close and I tried to warn a person from my group but it was too late. It passed right through him. He stopped for a moment, looked up and said, “I’m different.” After a short conversation, we found that the being replaced his political outlook from conservative to liberal. Everybody in the group thought this was fantastic and who could blame them. Then, I started the debate of the importance of freedom of thought. The rest of the dream was taken with this debate as our bodies were taken over by the ghosts.

I should type this up for Netflix, they’ll film anything.

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Where the Fireworks Pop

It’s a bright, cool beginning to July.

The non-stop personal fireworks over the last two and a half weeks have finally taken a day off. San Francisco has been popping nightly, reaching the usual zenith of explosions on the fourth. And the fireworks on the 5th of July were a total surprise, “you mean somebody has got some left after last night.” Garry didn’t go right to sleep on the night of the fourth. The noise finally quit at 2:00 a.m..

My very curious pit bull is more suspicious over sounds than afraid of them. Which I think is weird. There are many dogs in the city that are racing under the bed or couch not comfortable with the sounds but Luna always wants to go toward the sound, as if she can aid in whatever is happening. Perhaps there is another treat waiting! She is frightened of things falling however, always jumping away at something succumbing to gravity. That leap always looks comical because at 60 lbs, she isn’t a petite beast.

Half of a crazy year is in the books. We keep going forward, adjusting to our evolving reality and hopeful that time and science will iron things out. The stagnancy of this period does not eradicate my desire for travel. It’s there, lurking in my subconscious. Occasionally, I’ll see something on TV, filmed outside the U.S. and my brain turns on (okay where is this being filmed). I also randomly search the internet from time to time for airline tickets that I can’t buy yet, “Oh look business class to…” and I’ll see a deal. Who doesn’t like a deal? It’s unfortunately not real. It’s a holding pattern we’re in.

At work, we made it through our busiest time of the year with only a few hours of overtime. Also, a client has been keeping me hopping with website changes; video and audio editing. I do prefer being busy during a pandemic. 🙂 I’m happy to see Garry’s classes continue online. He enjoys doing them and the video feed must be unusually different than actually having live students (small class of five) interact across the living room from each other but that is the way at the moment (and longer).

There is a smaller version of the softball practices that we’ve been doing on Saturdays. It’s the unofficial practices for the season. The season that is awaiting cancellation. It will surprise no one. In fact, if the season happens (fall) that would be a shock to the entire softball community. As players, we get it. I will say, we’re enjoying our Saturday sessions, as both physical activity and mental therapy. We’re careful; masks, distance, and sanitizers. I also shower as soon as I get home. It’s not hard and it’s necessary.

It’s July 2020 and we’re halfway to the end of the year. I’m hopeful even before the year’s out, we will have something big to celebrate for a hopeful 2021, say maybe something in November? I’m confident folks can find fireworks to use for celebrating that. 

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AC love

It was great seeing Karl return.

After about 3 days of LA like 80’s (and upper 70’s), I spotted Karl yesterday, lurking about, during my 5:00 p.m. dog walk. I was so over it this week. We finally hooked up the mobile air conditioning unit purchased after the last round of hot spells.

Garry is actually fine with 80 degrees, 90 and up would be a bit much for him. I run warm. I always prefer cool. I don’t like 75 or above. Don’t ask me how I managed 30 years of seasons in New York City. It seems like a lifetime ago. I guess your body has a weather ‘type’ and mine is cool.

Anyway the AC unit is a dream come true and I used it for a couple of glorious hours until Karl the fog returned. It took us about 20 minutes to set-up. It’s a big standing box with tubes (think Robbie the Robot arms) that go to the window. We preferred this over the box on the window so we can remove it easier. It will stay up until mid to late September.

The unit makes a familiar noise. It sounds like August in New York. I can close my eyes and make believe I’ve come home from a particularly sticky walk and can feel the coolness in the air as I get closer to the AC. I love that first rush of coolness, when your body first feels it. It’s August on a sweltering subway platform and the train comes in and you get in a car (where you notice all the windows are closed) and you feel that onslaught of coolness. I get it, some would call it cold. It’s subjective. 

There was a place I remember on 14th street called Western Beef. They sold meat. I used to enjoy walking in there during the hot NYC months, even if I wasn’t shopping. The entire store was a meat freezer. It was delightful. A quick cold hit on the way somewhere.

That whirring sound was immediately white noise for me as it was so many years ago. I truly only noticed it was there when someone video called me.

“What’s that noise?” 

“An air-conditioner,” I said proudly. 

“An air-conditioner in San Francisco?”

“Damn paparazzi, ” I countered.

Anyway, it was a great excuse to use my noise canceling headphones.

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